Writing comedy scripts can be very challenging. The writer has to not only tell a story, but they also have to be funny.
These difficulties lead to quite a bit of joke/bit/scene stealing. It's a fact of life in comedy, and for the original writer, a real badge of honor. After all, a joke isn't funny until it's stolen, right?
But even the best joke has a shelf life. At a certain point, all jokes need to be tucked away in a dark, empty, unfunny comedy cellar, right next to Molly Shannon, "more cowbell," and "That's what she said."
Consider this a send-off for three ill-fated jokes. They had a good life. They were (maybe) funny five years ago, and now it's time for a military style execution. Writers, if you're guilty of any of these comedy faux pas, feel no shame. Hold your head high, grab your screenplay, and hit delete.
As smart comedy writers, I shouldn't have to sell you on why you need to avoid tired, used up jokes. So to find out what they are, keep reading.
These difficulties lead to quite a bit of joke/bit/scene stealing. It's a fact of life in comedy, and for the original writer, a real badge of honor. After all, a joke isn't funny until it's stolen, right?
But even the best joke has a shelf life. At a certain point, all jokes need to be tucked away in a dark, empty, unfunny comedy cellar, right next to Molly Shannon, "more cowbell," and "That's what she said."
Consider this a send-off for three ill-fated jokes. They had a good life. They were (maybe) funny five years ago, and now it's time for a military style execution. Writers, if you're guilty of any of these comedy faux pas, feel no shame. Hold your head high, grab your screenplay, and hit delete.
As smart comedy writers, I shouldn't have to sell you on why you need to avoid tired, used up jokes. So to find out what they are, keep reading.
1) NAMING GENITALIA
The idea of naming your penis is as old as mankind itself. As long as there have been narcissistic weirdos, this practice has thrived. Einstein did it. Nixon did it. Even Chaz Bono probably does it.
That's why it has no place in your comedy script. Comedy needs to be fresh, exciting, novel. If you, your brother and your best friend all have a name for their weenie, it's not going to surprise your audience, and that's the point of comedy, right?
How you know it's over...
I googled, "naming your penis," and the search turned up dozens of Facebook groups based on this very topic. I stopped counting at thirty seven, but there's no telling how many of these groups exist. When there's an entire Facebook sub-culture around a joke you're telling in your script, you better believe it's tired. Here are a few groups I found:
2) THAT'S THE PLOT TO...
Even if you don't know it yet, you've seen this one before. One character is in a tricky situation. Say... He went out to the bar with his friends instead of meeting his girlfriend at home for dinner. When he finally gets back to the apartment, his girlfriend is waiting, annoyed. Being the clever, quick thinker that he is, the guy comes up with a brilliant story that will totally clear his name. It goes something like this...
The idea of naming your penis is as old as mankind itself. As long as there have been narcissistic weirdos, this practice has thrived. Einstein did it. Nixon did it. Even Chaz Bono probably does it.
That's why it has no place in your comedy script. Comedy needs to be fresh, exciting, novel. If you, your brother and your best friend all have a name for their weenie, it's not going to surprise your audience, and that's the point of comedy, right?
How you know it's over...
I googled, "naming your penis," and the search turned up dozens of Facebook groups based on this very topic. I stopped counting at thirty seven, but there's no telling how many of these groups exist. When there's an entire Facebook sub-culture around a joke you're telling in your script, you better believe it's tired. Here are a few groups I found:
- "Naming Your Penis Raymond, Because Everybody Loves It."
- "Naming Your Penis Algebra Because It's Hard."
- "Naming Your Penis Sheldon Cooper As Your Friends Are Your C-Men" (??)
- "Naming Your Penis Unicorn Because I Absolutely Love Chicken Schnitzel" (this one has 218 likes, 219 now including me. Comment with others you find below!)
2) THAT'S THE PLOT TO...
Even if you don't know it yet, you've seen this one before. One character is in a tricky situation. Say... He went out to the bar with his friends instead of meeting his girlfriend at home for dinner. When he finally gets back to the apartment, his girlfriend is waiting, annoyed. Being the clever, quick thinker that he is, the guy comes up with a brilliant story that will totally clear his name. It goes something like this...
This joke is incredibly far reaching. Everyone's done it, or thought of doing it, and it's in half the comedy specs circulating today. The reason it's so often stolen is because it's actually kind of funny. It says a lot about character (liar, idiot, Matt Damon fan), and it's a genuine surprise - - most people don't bust out movie plots when they're trying to save their asses. But no one has ever attempted to do anything fresh with this idea, because once it's been done once, there's really no way to revitalize it. Except...
How you know it's over...
There is one conceivable way to save this joke, but it's pretty dark. And when something this dark is the only way to even possibly get a laugh, it's safe to say it's time to chuck the joke altogether. That said, here's the last option for all you "that's the plot to..." enthusiasts:
How you know it's over...
There is one conceivable way to save this joke, but it's pretty dark. And when something this dark is the only way to even possibly get a laugh, it's safe to say it's time to chuck the joke altogether. That said, here's the last option for all you "that's the plot to..." enthusiasts:
Great excerpt from Human Centipede Wikipedia,"When approaching backers [the director] did not mention the mouth-to-anus aspect of the plot, fearing it would put off potential backers."
3) THE BEARD GAG FROM KNOCKED UP
Remember in Knocked Up, Martin grows a beard on a bet, and all the guys make fun of him until he shaves it? It's a great running gag, and one of the most memorable parts of the movie. CLICK HERE for a link with audio clips of every beard reference. There are 15. They are all funny.
The greatness of the gag is exactly the reason it needs to stop being replicated in anything other than remakes of Knocked Up (which the studios should be cranking out soon, right?).
A joke that well done stands alone. It's unstealable. Despite that, it's been attempted countless times since Knocked Up, and these re-treads maybe kind of worked a little sometimes. But it's been four or five years now, and it's time for the madness to end.
Remember in Knocked Up, Martin grows a beard on a bet, and all the guys make fun of him until he shaves it? It's a great running gag, and one of the most memorable parts of the movie. CLICK HERE for a link with audio clips of every beard reference. There are 15. They are all funny.
The greatness of the gag is exactly the reason it needs to stop being replicated in anything other than remakes of Knocked Up (which the studios should be cranking out soon, right?).
A joke that well done stands alone. It's unstealable. Despite that, it's been attempted countless times since Knocked Up, and these re-treads maybe kind of worked a little sometimes. But it's been four or five years now, and it's time for the madness to end.
So there you have it. 3 JOKES THAT NEVER NEED TO BE TOLD AGAIN. While this article is obviously focused on comedy, the idea here can be applied to all genres. Horror writers: Challenge yourselves to think of new, exciting deaths. Sci-Fi Nerds: Write better technology. Action Folks: Don't ever write a familiar car chase again!
Always keep an eye out for when you might be falling back on tired tropes in your writing. Freshen them up or take a new path altogether. Good writing in all genres is rooted in surprise. Keep that in mind as a guiding principle, and you should steer clear of a lot of trouble.
Check back with us often for additional posts on screenwriting, interviews with industry professionals and much more.
Comment below if you can think of any other jokes that need to be retired ASAP, and maybe they'll make it into the next installment of this article: 3 (MORE) JOKES THAT NEVER NEED TO BE TOLD AGAIN.
Script Quack is a script analysis service designed to provide professional script notes for affordable prices. For more information, check out our screenplay services page. Enter your info below and you get free logline notes just for signing up.
Always keep an eye out for when you might be falling back on tired tropes in your writing. Freshen them up or take a new path altogether. Good writing in all genres is rooted in surprise. Keep that in mind as a guiding principle, and you should steer clear of a lot of trouble.
Check back with us often for additional posts on screenwriting, interviews with industry professionals and much more.
Comment below if you can think of any other jokes that need to be retired ASAP, and maybe they'll make it into the next installment of this article: 3 (MORE) JOKES THAT NEVER NEED TO BE TOLD AGAIN.
Script Quack is a script analysis service designed to provide professional script notes for affordable prices. For more information, check out our screenplay services page. Enter your info below and you get free logline notes just for signing up.